Tuesday, July 27, 2010

A Year In The Past, Forever In The Future.

In case you don't know, this is the title of a song I love, by a Canadian band called Grade.

It begins like this:
This is the time in my life when everything is falling apart, and at the same time... it's all coming together.


This is very much how I feel right now - somehow conflicted.
Don't think this is all that bad though! Leaving California (yes, it's true!) is being one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through, leaving my babies behind... even though I didn't bare them, I have been there since they were born (literally), nursing, caring, loving... and nearly 4 years have gone by, so yes - they are my babies, but ones I can't take home with me. That breaks my heart so bad, more than it has ever been broken.

On the other hand, I can't help feeling excited about getting together with my family again, spending time with old childhood friends, spending a birthday with Mom, Dad, my brother and bestie - which hasn't happened in 12 years.

Over the past couple of months I've been getting lots of messages from high school colleagues I haven't heard from since..... high school. Even my Philosophy teacher found me on Facebook and added me. So going back to my very roots makes my heart feel warm too.

And then there's the future, oh promising future.
Starting a new life from scratch, with boyfriend - who is now fiance or soon-to-be-hubby. Making plans, executing them, building a home, doing family stuff. Visiting my grandparents on the weekends, having our own dinner parties at home... starting a business, taking risks... those are all exciting things to look forward to.

It's just too bad that, in life, you can't always have everything you want.


Thursday, July 15, 2010

When You Call Me From Beyond


I remember once, when I was little, my sister and her best friend came home from a dinner party breathless, pale, totally freaking out. They said from the moment they left their friend's apartment, a tall man wearing a brown jacket and hat followed them home.

A couple of days later, my mom had coffee with their friend's mom, and noticed hanging on the living room wall the picture of... a tall man, wearing a brown military jacket and hat. After all, he was the friend's dad... who had passed away over 10 years before the event. *creepy*

Mom said that all the widow lady talked about was her late husband and what a great man he was, and how much she missed him. The fact that she hung on to him made him linger... it's weird.

But I do believe that, when 2 people have had a strong connection, one can hear the other call, no matter how far, and I've experienced it, and I've seen it happen to other people.

The only thing is, if these 2 people are apart, it happened for a reason. So maybe calling is not such a good idea...

Saturday, July 3, 2010

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