Sunday, August 15, 2010

Leaving Las Vegas

So this was my last Saturday in the US. What better way to say goodbye to California than to come to Las Vegas? (I know, I know, Vegas is in Nevada, but soon it will be a bit more than just a short drive from home).

It's been fun, I guess I don't do what people typically do when they come to Vegas (I don't go crazy shopping or gambling or going to shows, I just like to relax, really), so I've been cherishing moments... having fun, laughing, trying to remember to take pictures (the past few times I came here I didn't take pics since it felt like same old, same old...). For the most time, I'm having fun, but then there's a quick moment I remember that it is the last Friday, or last Saturday, that in a week from now I won't have my kids to hold anymore... and just the thought of that crushes my heart and makes me cry. So then I try to think of something else.

Boyfriend (who is now fiance, but I'll just keep referring to him as "boyfriend" until he becomes hubby hihihi) has been trying to give me support... He doesn't really know what to say when it comes to the kids, and I guess I shouldn't say this but sometimes I feel like he is a bit jealous of them... but he tries to make me see things "on the bright side". Like, hey, next week you'll get to eat some traditional Portuguese pastries!!! Of course eating a traditional Portuguese pastry, as delicious as it is, does not begin to compare to having the kids in my arms, hugging and kissing and randomly reminding me that I am loved by them.
It doesn't make for Ariel trying to kiss my boo-boos away, or Alisa getting into my closet. It's not the same thing as Ava telling me everyday, when I'm leaving for work "I love your outfit, you look so pretty", or having Alec fall asleep in my arms while I lullaby him.

Anyways, I'll get to see Mom and Dad... all my siblings... pretty soon I'll have my own house with Boyfriend... but how do you go from taking 2-week-old triplets in your arms and raising them until they're 4... and then not seeing them turn 5? I wonder how the next day will feel, knowing I'm not gonna be the one taking care of them anymore, for good this time. I'm not gonna be the last person to kiss them goodnight and sing them to sleep, ever again.

If anyone knows how to do that, please tell me, because I am guessing I will have some trouble coping.
Oh, I am also taking tips on how to drive myself to LAX after saying goodbye to them.