A Year In The Past, Forever In The Future.

In case you don't know, this is the title of a song I love, by a Canadian band called Grade.

It begins like this:

This is the time in my life when everything is falling apart, and at the same time... it's all coming together.

This is very much how I feel right now - somehow conflicted.
Don't think this is all that bad though! Leaving California (yes, it's true!) is being one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through, leaving my babies behind... even though I didn't bare them, I have been there since they were born (literally), nursing, caring, loving... and nearly 4 years have gone by, so yes - they are my babies, but ones I can't take home with me. That breaks my heart so bad, more than it has ever been broken.

On the other hand, I can't help feeling excited about getting together with my family again, spending time with old childhood friends, spending a birthday with Mom, Dad, my brother and bestie - which hasn't happened in 12 years.

Over the past couple of months I've been getting lots of messages from high school colleagues I haven't heard from since..... high school. Even my Philosophy teacher found me on Facebook and added me. So going back to my very roots makes my heart feel warm too.

And then there's the future, oh promising future.
Starting a new life from scratch, with boyfriend - who is now fiance or soon-to-be-hubby. Making plans, executing them, building a home, doing family stuff. Visiting my grandparents on the weekends, having our own dinner parties at home... starting a business, taking risks... those are all exciting things to look forward to.

It's just too bad that, in life, you can't always have everything you want.